


Some Queen for the King

by PenDragonInkus



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dancing, M/M, Marry Merthur Month, No spoilers in the tags, Sarcasm, Singing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, canon? what's that?, sorry my dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 03:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenDragonInkus/pseuds/PenDragonInkus
Summary: Basically Merlin finds an unfamiliar spell in his super-secret-sorcery book, and, well, does a Merlin, and casts it without thinking. The clotpole. It all ends up with singing, dancing and sorcery. And perhaps a marriage thrown in there somewhere too...





	Some Queen for the King

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HicSuntDracones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HicSuntDracones/gifts).

> Basically, this was a crack idea that exploded, with no help to stop it from HicSuntDracones. The backup singers are in bold and brackets, by the way, when you get to that part.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Merry Marry Merthur Month!

_ Some Queen for the King _

_ MERLIN _

Merlin the secret warlock was sitting in his room in Gaius' chambers, on his bed, perusing his super-secret-sorcerer-book. He already knew most of the pages off by heart, and many had saved the life of Arthur and Camelot multiple times. He turned the page that housed the spell that caused inanimate objects to become animate, and frowned. That's odd. He didn't remember this one. Leaning forward slightly and tilting the book towards a nearby candle to see better, he read:

_ A Spelle Fore Funne _

_ Say the words hence in a loude, cleare voice and the objecte of your desires shalle become thine. Be warnede, sorcerer, for oftene you do not knowe what you wante untile you get it. _

_ The words: _

** _Singus Queenus Allus _ **

_ A footnote: the spelle can only be broken by the uniting of two souls in that most sacred of bonds. (And a kiss won't harm either!) _

Merlin bit his lip in thought. Nothing major had happened in Camelot lately, and frankly, he was bored. Where's a homicidal mythical creature when you need it? This seemed like some harmless fun, and even if it wasn't, he was the most powerful warlock in Camelot at the moment. He could totally reverse it without the whole 'uniting two souls' rubbish. Shrugging, he put his hand out in front of him, focused on nothing and muttered the words. Nothing seemed to happen. Oh, wait. 'In a loud clear voice.' Oops. Trying again, he strongly said the magic words and his eyes glowed golden for a couple of seconds. A strong wind blew through the room, ruffling the warlock's hair, but he'd passed out as soon as he said the words, flopping back on the bed, and knew no more.

_ ARTHUR _

Arthur Pendragon, the King of Camelot woke up the next morning, feeling surprisingly musical. This was puzzling, because he was definitely a sword kind of guy, not some girly musician. He stretched, humming, and climbed out of bed. It was barely dawn, so everything was quiet. Sauntering over to the window, he gazed out the window and sang quietly, his breath fogging up the glass a little:

_ Each morning I get up I die a little,  _

_ Can barely stand on my feet _

His bedroom doors slammed open and he spun around to see Gwaine, Lancelot and Sir Leon in the doorway, backing him up vocally with:

** _Take a look in the mirror, _ **

** _And cry, yeah, yeah._ **

Arthur, frowning in puzzlement, (because here were his  _ knights _ in full armour, singing like a choir, in his bedroom doorway  _ at dawn _ ) carries on with:

_ I spent all my days in believing you, _

_ But I just can't get no relief, Lord! _

They all take a deep breath and continue:

_ Somebody ( _ ** _somebody_ ** _ ) ooh, somebody ( _ ** _somebody_ ** _ )  _

_ Can anybody find meeeee _

_ Somebody to love? _

Gwaine somehow has a fire poker from somewhere and starts keeping a beat on Arthur's desk while Leon and Lancelot sway from side to side. Arthur has now stopped puzzling about this whole thing and is just letting go, grabbing his sword and singing into the handle:

_ I work hard _

_ ( _ ** _he works hard_ ** _ ) _

_ Every day of my life _

_ I work til' I ache in my bones _

_ At the end ( _ ** _at the end of the day_ ** _ ) _

_ I take home my hard -earned pay, all on my own _

Arthur starts dancing around the room at this, throwing his head back to the roof, sword still his makeshift microphone.

_ I get down ( _ ** _down_ ** _ ) on my knees ( _ ** _knees_ ** _ )  _

_ And I start to pray _

Arthur falls to his knees on the floor as he sings this, and mimes tears rolling down his face at the next line

_ Till the tears run down from my eyes _

_ Lord, somebody ( _ ** _somebody_ ** _ ), ooh somebody _

_ ( _ ** _Please_ ** _ ) Can anybody find meee _

_ Somebody to looooooooove? _

_ _ “I can.” a new voice pipes up from the doorway. Merlin is standing there with the King's breakfast in his hands and a goofy smile on his face. Arthur stands and turns to Merlin, a smirk on his lips and passionately carries on singing

_ ( _ ** _He works hard_ ** _ ) Every day ( _ ** _everyday_ ** _ ) I try and I try and I try _

_ But eeeeeeverybody wants to put me down, they say I'm going crazy _

Arthur does the universal “crazy” motion to his temple, which apparently existed in Camelot times

_ They say I got a lot of water in my brain _

_ Ah, got no common sense  _

_ I got nobody left to believe in _

At the next four words, each of the men in the room says a “yeah”, including Merlin, each taking a step forward when it's their turn

** _Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_ **

Gwaine stops with keeping the beat and does a guitar solo on his poker. Everyone bobs their head along with the missing beat, music in their heads that only they can hear. Arthur pipes up after a few seconds:

_ Got no feel, I got no rhythm _

_ I just keep losing my beat ( _ ** _you just keep losing and losing_ ** _ ) _

Merlin has now jumped into the fray, swaying alongside Lance and Leon, breakfast forgotten, while Gwaine does everything else instrument-y, that poker used for a variety of noises. Arthur mimes the thumbs up and nods his head at the next words

_ I'm okay, I'm alright ( _ ** _he's alright, he's alright_ ** _ )  _

_ I ain't gonna face no defeat – _ a violent shake of the head at that, that makes Arthur nearly lose balance –  _ ( _ ** _yeah, yeah_ ** _ ) _

_ I just gotta get out of this prison cell _

_ One day, ( _ ** _someday_ ** _ ) I'm going to be free, Lord! _

“Merlin,” Arthur sings breathlessly,  _ Find me somebody to love. _

“Yes sire.” Merlin replies, and looks around, wanting to ask Lancelot something on behalf of Gwen, but the Knights have disappeared. What the hell?

As if reading his mind, King Arthur mumbles “what the hell?” after flopping on his bed, exhausted, and digs into his breakfast. Impromptu concerts really make you hungry.

_ MERLIN _

After looking around for Lance and coming up empty, Merlin watches the King pretty much inhale his breakfast, and once he's done, asks, “is that all, sire?”

“Ah, Merlin.” Arthur looks up from where he was licking his plate, almost as if he'd forgotten his servant was there.

_ I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!  _

Merlin replies, and claps a hand over his mouth, his ears turning a shade as red as his scarf. Gwen pops her head out from under Arthur's bed (“what the  _ hell _ ??”) Gaius pops out of his cupboard (“.....”) and Sir Leon turns up in the doorway again:

** _He's just a poor boy, from a poor family,_ **

** _Spare him his life from this monstrosity!_ **

As quickly as they appeared, they all disappeared, or at least Merlin hopes that's what happened, otherwise Gaius was stuck in that cupboard for the time being. 

“Merlin, what in the name of all in Camelot is  _ going on _ ??” Arthur explodes, moving from where he'd curled up at his headboard, sheets pulled up to his neck, as soon as Gwen showed her curls from under the bed. 

“I'm... not sure, sire.” Merlin replies, but in the back of his mind, he knows exactly what's going on. Thankfully the King can't read his mind – and a good thing too, after the thoughts the warlock has had about his friend. Oh, and the secret magic thing too.

“Well, find out!” the King yells, and lobs his plate at Merlin's head, mostly embarrassed his best friend had seen him crooning about wanting someone to love. Merlin, for his part, snatched the plate out the air and started heading towards Arthur's open bedroom door. However, before he could get anywhere, he hears Arthur singing again.

_ You're the best friend that I ever had _

_ Been with you such a long time, _

_ You're my sunshine, _

_ And I want you to know that my feelings are true _

_ I really love you. _

The last sentence is sung so softly that Merlin nearly has to cast a hearing spell to catch it, but catch it he did. Hastily heading out the door now, before his King can see his ears on fire, Merlin leans on a nearby wall out of sight and sighs. “I love you too, Arthur.”

_ ARTHUR _

Where the  _ hell _ had  _ that  _ come from? Sure, he did love Merlin. With his cheekbones, and his scarves, and his two outfits and those  _ ears  _ of his... shaking himself out of his thoughts, Arthur slapped himself in the face. 

“Come on, Pendragon, focus! What could this be? None of us has ever shown any sort of musical talents before. It must be...” he pauses dramatically and jumps out of bed, once again moving to the window. Looking out, he sees Merlin walking across the courtyard, ears redder than usual. 

“.... _ sorcery _ .” Gaius pipes up from the cupboard. Turning around, getting ready to yell at the physician, Arthur finds his room empty. Rubbing his eyes, he sighs. It was going to be a  _ very  _ long day.

About an hour later, the King was in the Throne Room, crown on his head, in full armour and cape. He had to do it all himself because the  _ idiot  _ Merlin hadn't turned up after he'd taken Arthur's plate to the kitchen. Settling himself on the throne he says “Get the Lady Morgana, for I much desire to speak with her.”

“Yes, my Lord.” a guard at the door replies, and sets off to find her. 

Not two minutes later, Morgana turns up at the door of the Throne Room, hair perfectly curled, in her green dress. Starting to walk up the middle of the room, she says, “you asked for me, my Lord?” and only stops walking when she stands in front of the throne.

“Ah, Morgana...” Arthur starts, but comes to a screeching halt when Sir Leon pokes his head over Arthur's shoulder and sings:

_ She keeps her Moet et Chandon _

_ In a pretty cabinet _

A movement and singing from a suit of armour against the wall grabs everyone's attention, and Lancelot's voice drifts out of the helmet:

_ “Let them eat cake,” she says, _

_ Just like Marie Antoinette _

Gwaine jumps out from behind one of the many flags in the room and chips in with:

_ A built-in remedy _

_ But goodbye, virginity _

Leon opens his mouth to continue but closes it and frowns in confusion. Lancelot opens his helmet and stares at Gwaine in horror, who just shrugs with a cocky smile on his face. Leon clears his throat pointedly and carries on:

_ A built-in remedy  _

Lancelot sings the next line with Leon, both of them glaring at Gwaine and emphasising certain words:

_ For KHRUSHCHEV and KENNEDY _

Gwaine shrugs again and sings back with 

_ At any time an invitation _

_ You can't decline _

This time Arthur pitches in, though he doesn't look happy about it:

_ Caviar and cigarettes _

_ Well versed in etiquette _

_ Extraordinarily nice _

Here they all sing together, Lancelot's voice still pretty echoey in the helmet:

_ She's a Killer Queen,  _

_ Gunpowder, gelatine _

_ Dynamite with a laser beam, _

At the next line they all mime their heads exploding, Arthur looking particularly ridiculous with his crown on – so much so that Morgana barely suppresses a giggle.

_ Guaranteed to blow your mind _

_ Ooooh, recommended at the price, _

_ Insatiable an appetite _

Morgana jumps in at the next line with an eyebrow raise and hands on her hips

_ Wanna tryyyyy? _

The Knights once again left without a sound (well, almost, Gwaine wolf-whistled at the attitude Morgana gave off at the last line) and Arthur looks at her in surprise. 

“You can sing?”

“I might ask you the same question.”

“Fair enough. I called you here today to see if you were having the same...  _ music problem _ .” Arthur was clearly uncomfortable, and Morgana was loving every second of it. 

“No, Arthur, that was my first experience today, unless Gwen singing as she attends me like she does every day is a problem?”

“No, no, that's fine. Thank you, Morgana.”

She nods and curtseys, then sashays out the room. 

Arthur puts his elbow on the arm of the throne and then rests his chin on his fist. Yup. This was definitely...

“ _ ...sorcery _ .” Gaius was now hiding in the same suit of armour Lance had just vacated. 

“Gaius, what the hell are you...?” Arthur demanded, going over to the... empty armour. This was getting old. Fast.

_ MEANWHILE, MERLIN _

After dropping off Arthur's licked plate at the kitchens, Merlin decided to go pay the Great Dragon a visit. Heading to the cave was as easy as always, but reaching it was another story. He lit the torch and grabbed it as usual, but normally being so sure-footed and quick down those stairs, he tripped on the second one and went rolling head over heels down the entire flight, only coming to rest sprawled out on his back at the entrance to the cave. And Kilgarrah? He was laughing. The jerk.

Brushing himself off, his only just-returned-to-normal-colour ears reddening again, Merlin glared at the Dragon. Who wasn't really taking any notice since he'd now rolled onto his back on his perch, and was howling with laughter.

“Alright, that's enough.” Merlin muttered angrily, his shoulder still smarting from the fall making him a little grumpy.

“I'm sorry young warlock.” the Dragon replied, rolling onto his stomach again and wiping a tear from his eye with a claw, not sounding sorry at all. “I just rarely ever get any sort of entertainment these days. Now, what do you want?”

“Well. You see. Um.” Merlin starts awkwardly.

“Yeeeeesssss?” the Dragon prompts, turning his yellow gaze on the young warlock, which only makes him more uncomfortable.

“ImayhavedoneaspellbecauseIwasboredandnoweveryonecan'tstopsinging.” the young man says in a rush, and Kilgarrah blinks a couple of times, clearly translating the ramble and... starts howling with laughter again.

“You...” The Old Dragon starts, but can't continue as a fresh bout of laughter overtakes him, his whole body shaking with mirth. “You used the... the Queen curse, didn't you?” His laughing calms down a little, but not by much.

“I... guess?” Merlin replies uncertainly, not impressed by the Dragon's reaction at all. “Either way, how do I break it?”

Here the Dragon becomes serious and makes direct eye contact with the warlock. “Everything you need to know is on the page you got it from.” he replied as mysteriously as always, and gets ready to take off from his perch dramatically like he always does with any mysterious nugget of knowledge he imparts.

“Wait!” Merlin blurts out, which stops the Dragon moving completely, and the young man starts singing:

_ I want to break free _

_ I want to break free _

_ I want to break free from your lies _

_ You're so self satisfied I don't need you _

_ I've got to break free _

_ God knows, God knows I want to break free. _

  
  


“Yeah, well, so do I.” the Dragon replies dryly, shaking a leg so that his chains rattled more than usual, completely ignoring the insults Merlin just sang at him, before taking off for real this time, leaving Merlin as frustrated (if not more) than when he arrived. Which, to be honest, wasn't an unusual ending to a Dragon visit. Honestly, why did he even bother.

_ ARTHUR _

Where the hell was Merlin? Honestly, a more useless, lazy, dolt of a servant you couldn't get if you tried. Oh, wait. Speak of the warl- servant, and he may appear! For there at the door was Merlin, just taking in the majestic-ness of his King. Noticing Merlin's gaze Arthur puffed out his chest, which just made the darker-haired man roll his eyes fondly. 

“You're a prat.” Merlin said, but he couldn't get the smile off his face, or stop moving closer to his friend. 

“You can't talk to me like that.” Arthur shoots back, but it's more fond than serious. 

By now Merlin had reached where Arthur was sitting behind his desk and leaned on it. “What you gonna do? Put me in the dungeons?” Merlin replies with a quick lick of his lips that Arthur can't help but watch attentively.

“Mmm. You in chains. I could live with that.” The King replies without thinking.

Merlin narrows his eyes, but before he can think up a reply, Arthur sings:

_ You got red lips _

_ Gold in your eyes _

_ Long legs, great thighs. _

_ You've got the cutest ass I've ever seen _

_ Knock me down for a six anytime. _

Merlin leans closer all through the singing, gaze insanely focused on Arthur's lips and murmurs 

_ Is this the real life? _

_ Is this just fantasy? _

“Oh, its real life.” Arthur murmurs, and they lean closer, seconds away from kissing, when a guard bursts into the room, making Merlin literally  _ fly _ across the room and look like he was straightening the King's pillows, while Arthur clenches his fists in frustration on the surface of his desk. 

“What?” he grits out at the guard, clearly frustrated, and hears a snigger from the head of his bed.  _ Oh, he'd pay for that later. _

“I hope I'm not disturbing anything, Sire.” the guard starts uncertainly and Arthur just waves his hand like  _ think nothing of it _ . “But you're needed.”

“Right. Coming Merlin?” Arthur gets up from behind his desk and makes his way to the door, almost reaching out a hand to Merlin, but stopping just in time. The warlock somehow noticed, and smirked, but shook his head. 

“Sorry, got chores to do for Gaius.” he replied, sounding a little choked and breathless. Now it was Arthur's turn to smirk before he turned to the guard and gestured for him to lead the way.

_ MERLIN _

_ Whoa. What was THAT?? _ the warlock's brain kept repeating on a loop. An almost kiss. Arthur liked him too! Since when?? He headed to Gaius' chambers, lost in thought. He walked into the physicians quarters, but the old man was suspiciously absent. Strange. Before he could dwell on it more, his thoughts took over again and his eyes flashed golden without him realising it. Merlin was  _ floating _ up the stairs to his bedroom, landing softly on his bed with a 'thump' and a puff of dust. That's when he noticed the super-secret-sorcerer-book lying face-down on the floor, partially obscured by some blankets. Picking it up, he read over the spell once again, and his face lit up at the meaning of how to break the spell. He had to find Arthur. And ask him to marry him. Jumping off his bed he went running out the rooms, starting the hunt for his King.

He eventually found him trying to catch some peace and quiet in the stables with his favourite horse. Merlin gently cleared his throat and Arthur looked up from where he was brushing his steed. “Ah, Merlin.” the King greeted, blushing a little, and tossed the horse's brush to his servant. “Finish brushing him down would you?” he asked, and leaned against the wall. 

“Yes, Sire.” Merlin replied obediently, and started running the brush down the horse's back.

_ ARTHUR _

Tossing the brush over to Merlin, Arthur moved to lean on a specific spot against the wall to 'supervise' his servant. But really, he just wanted to see that cute ass on display. Yum. He licked his lips and Merlin said something he didn't quite hear the first time. “Pardon?” he asked.

Merlin spoke up again. “See something you like?” Arthur had never heard someone speak in a flirtier voice. 

“Mmhmm.” he replied non-committally.

“I know how to break the spell.” Merlin blurted out suddenly.

“Ah ha! I knew it was...”

Gaius poked his head around the stable door. “... _ sorcery _ .” 

“Thank you Gaius.” Arthur said, not expecting to get a reply, which is what happened. “How do we break it?” 

Merlin moved to the side of the horse furthest from Arthur and not making eye contact. “We sherbuleflergleburgle.”

“Excuse me? Those with hearing didn't quite hear you.”

The horse whinnied in agreement.

“See, even the horse agrees!” Arthur exclaimed.

Merlin cleared his throat, his ears once again the same shade as his scarf, and said, “we have to get married.”

Arthur's mouth fell open in shock, but before he could say anything remotely not insane, he started singing again:

_ I've fallen in love _

_ I've fallen in love for the first time _

_ And this time I know it's for real _

_ I've fallen in love, yeah _

_ God knows, God knows I've fallen in love. _

Merlin blushed even harder at that and replied 

_ It's strange but it's true. _

_ I can't get over the way you love me like you do _

_ But I have to be sure _

_ When I walk out that door _

_ Oh how I want to be free, baby. _

_ Oh, how I want to be free  _

_ Oh, how I want to be free _

Arthur nods and continues seriously:

_ But life still goes on _

_ I can't get used to living without, living without you by my side _

_ I don't want to live alone _

_ God knows, got to make it on my own _

Merlin sighs happily and walks around the horse, throwing his arms around Arthur's waist. Muffled against his almost-fiancée's shoulder he asks, “so you will marry me?”

“Of course I will, you clotpole. It's been a long time coming.” Arthur replies, wrapping his arms around Merlin as well.

_ POV OF A FLY ON THE WALL _

The wedding happened about three days later because Arthur was going insane at all the singing. Plus he wanted to look at Merlin's cute ass in private. But it was mostly the singing. Both men wore chainmail with pure white tunics over the top. Gwen had wanted to stitch hearts on them, but that's where Arthur put his foot down. He may be in love, but that was just taking it too far. 

They set up the place they were to be married on the shore of the lake. The view was as gorgeous as ever, the water a calm, clear blue, but Arthur barely noticed. Waiting at the head of the aisle, Geoffrey of Monmouth at his side, he breathed out nervously. 

“It's alright, my liege.” Geoffrey put a calming hand on Arthur's arm. “Everything will be fine.”

Gwaine, Lancelot and Leon started up the wedding march on various instruments (unfortunately no poker, which could be why Gwaine looked a bit sulky) and Merlin, on Gaius' arm started walking towards the life he and Arthur were about to embark on, together. 

Arthur took another deep breath, swallowed and grinned at Merlin, who shot a radiant smile back at him in return. No nerves seemed to be coming off the warlock, just pure happiness, so much so, he was almost glowing. 

Gaius handed Merlin over, and Geoffrey of Monmouth cleared his throat and began:

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, and Merlin Hunithson.”

After that he said something about love and devotion, before asking the grooms for their vows. They had each prepared something to say, but the spell was having none of that.

“My Lord?” Geoffrey asked, “would you like to go first?”

“Okay.” Arthur said, took Merlin's hands and opened his mouth to start his vows. Instead, he started singing:

_ Open up your mind and let me step inside _

_ Rest your weary head and let your heart decide _

_ It's so ea-sy, when you know the rules _

_ It's so ea-sy, all you have to do is fall in love _

_ Play the game, _

_ Everybody play the gaaaaaaaaaame of love. _

Merlin nods, tears shimmering in his eyes, and replies with:

_ When you're feeling down and your resistance is low _

_ Light another cigarette and let yourself go _

_ This is your life _

_ Don't play hard to get _

_ It's a free world _

_ All you have to do is fall in love _

_ Play the game _

_ Everybody play the game of love. _

Instead of facing each other like they were through their vows, they faced the audience, holding hands and sang together:

_ My game of love has just begun _

_ Love runs from my head down to my toes _

_ My love is pumping through my veins _

_ Play the game _

_ Driving me insane _

_ Come come come come come play the game _

_ Play the game, play the game, play the game _

The Knights on the instruments just started going wild, doing guitar and drum solos, and it took a couple of seconds of glaring to get them to calm down again.

_ Play the game _

_ Everybody play the game of love. _

Geoffrey cleared his throat, still looking quite shocked at the Knights' behaviour and asks for the rings. Gwaine jumps up from behind his makeshift drum set, knocking it all over, and runs up the aisle, patting his pockets. 

“I had them...” he muttered, and Arthur was about to angrily reprimand him before he crowed “Found them!” and handed them to Geoffrey who gave one of the simple bands of silver to Arthur, and the other to Merlin. He then dictated the traditional vows, and asked the grooms to repeat them, while they placed the rings on each other's fingers, which they did.

“I now pronounce you Mr and Mr Arthur Pendragon! You may kiss your groom!” Geoffrey said once all the official things had been said and done. 

“Come here, cute ass.” Arthur growled only for Merlin to hear, before pulling his husband into the kiss of his life, so much so that his ears slowly turned red from the bottom to the top. A soft wind blew through their hair, a lot like the one in Merlin's room that fateful day, but they didn't notice. Or care.

Separating for a couple of seconds, Merlin rested his forehead on Arthur's and murmured, “I suppose now is the time to tell you I have magic.”

Arthur snorts a laugh. “I've known since probably the second day you came to work for me. You're not exactly stealthy.”

“But then...” Merlin gasped.

“I saved your cute ass all those times? Yep. Turns out I fell in love with you on about the third day you came to work for me. So. It all worked out in the end.” Arthur murmured, and leaned in for another kiss from his husband.

And yes, it has all worked out in....

THE END.


End file.
